Little Hits of Happy

This has continued to just be a really bad week. My sleep is backwards and everything. At the same time I've been randomly productive in little tasks. Like putting the camp dishes back in the van.

I keep all kinds of weird stuff in my van. Some of it is necessary, because we have a small place with not enough storage. (Also too much stuff) Some things are in the van for laziness, who really wants to take the fold up chairs out of the van when we don't need them inside but might need them wherever we end up? And some of it is being prepared for adventures.

The first time we met Jenny, my kids got so muddy. I want them to be able to play and explore and get muddy so I started storing the more worn towels in the van. Now we can get into things and we always know we have a towel handy for clean up. Plus we don't care too much if they get stained or torn or lost.

So anyway, dishes we bought specifically for camping purposes come in handy in the van. You never know what you're going to get into.

I've organized different parts of my Google drive. I've continued to work on little bits of past projects. I've maintained some parts of my daily routine even though I'm starting them at random times. It seems like if I do little tasks until the little releases of happy chemicals build up, maybe soon I'll be able to do bigger tasks again.

Moving On

I ended 2018 by taking a photo of all the unfinished knit or crochet projects I could remember and find at the time. There are 14 in this picture. There were two more in my backpack that got stolen and two more that I remembered after the picture.

So far I've finished that rainbow-y piece on the right. It's a temperature scarf for 2018. But then I promptly started a temperature project for 2019 so it feels like it's an ongoing project. I'm knitting both the high and the low held together as one strand of yarn. Some days I knit the previous day's two rows and some days I play catch up.

2018 Scarf

2019. January - June

 In March I finished the peacock feather project, which is a lap blanket. I'm pretty sure this project began in the fall of 2017. I have also sworn to never ever try that one again. It was so frustrating. I may be willing to make something with peacock feathers on it, but not one like this. It's one of a kind.

One of the projects that I had left out of the photo was a giant elephant project. I make all kinds of little stuffed animals but when I wanted to make a special project for my own children, I asked them what size they wanted and of course they wanted giant sized. I believe I began the project in May of 2018. I wanted to make the elephants give the impression of each girls' favorite Girl Scout cookie. I also finished these in March along with making two giant stuffies for my nieces so I felt like I was on a roll of getting caught up on past projects

I got a little busy with other projects. The next past project I finished was at the beginning of July. I had started it as a Christmas gift for a group of my friends but didn't get it done, so I finished in time for a special event we had together.

I would feel like I've been slacking on this project list, except in March, I had this brilliant idea to start keeping track of all the projects so I wouldn't feel like that. In 2019 so far I've started and finished 31 sewing projects and 29 yarn projects. I've also started 4 more yarn projects. And then the whole reason for this post is to talk about the 5th past project that I've finished. Unless I count each part of the project separately, in which case I've finished my 12th past project.

So in December 2017, I started a baby blanket. And it's finally done.

The Rest of the Story

So, a few years ago, we left the Air Force Life to test out the College Student Life. It started out ok but Tim's health problems overcame his ability to continue and our financial health crashed shortly after. That's when we got connected to some of the resources available to veterans. Including housing.

At first, I was just grateful to have a place we could afford that had two toilets and laundry in the unit. But there are a lot of completely dehumanizing strings attached to affordable government housing. As long as I consider the whole situation to be temporary, the horrific parts are more tolerable, but sometimes it feels like we're going to be stuck here forever.

It seems like a familiar place and I guess I've gotten out of it before, but when I'm here, I can never remember how to get out. But there is this fuzzy idea that sometimes life isn't like this.

For today, everything sucks and I hate it. Maybe tomorrow will be different.

Fourth Monday Field Trips

Today we went to a different lake, lol. Our homeschool friends like to go out and find adventures around the area. We spent the afternoon at the Milford Nature Center and Fish Hatchery. One little friend held a toad for the first time, so I really feel like that's a win. I don't personally hold toads, but it just seems like the right thing for kids to do and I'm glad we found people who could teach my kids to do that. Here are some pictures from August 2014, I'm pretty sure at least one of those is a frog and not a toad, but same idea:

Taryn may or may not be attending public high school next year, so I want to enjoy all the adventures we can get this year.

Caelie-isms

My Facebook history is full of silly things that Caelie has said and done.

Today in 2011:

Caelie ~ "Mommy, what's your dream? Is it mermaids?"

Also 2011:

picture this. Caelie in her birthday suit. Clomping down the hall in Daddy's boots. Singing to herself. "going to work. going to work"

Here's a fairly random picture from August 2011:

Last week, both girls went to the doctor for well checks. Taryn is officially 5' 4.5" tall with shoes on and Caelie is just under 5' 3" with shoes off. Caelie's day of being the tallest sibling is coming up soon.

The Not-Finished Update

I was hoping that today I could post that I had finished the first part of this Miarly CAL. Instead I ran out of the color of yarn I needed and since the HobbLobb is closed on Sundays, I'm stuck until Monday. Here's another really bad photo:

So close, yet so far.

Today was a pretty good day really. I didn't get nearly enough sleep last night and definitely at the wrong times. But I got up and did the first part of my morning routine, which is Bible reading. And then the second part of my routine, when I'm at my best self, is to do a chore of some kind. Saturday is aquarium cleaning day, and I did it right away which is a big victory for me since I tend to put it off as long as possible.

I've been working on slash procrastinating on a writing project that is basically my entire life story. I keep sitting down to work on it with pen and paper and I don't get very far into it before it's just overwhelming. This morning during my Bible time, I was impressed with the need to make some real progress. I had to wait my turn to use the computer, but I sat down and typed for about an hour. It was good, but also heavy.

Then I really needed to get outside and not think about it for a while. Luckily there was a big fun thing out at the lake. It really seems like I'm obsessed with the lake lately. I didn't get much crafting done out there, which was what I wanted to do, but I did get a nice walk taken. Maybe that will help with the sleeping tonight.

....it never really does, but I always hope it will.

The First of the First Posts

On this day in 2005, I blogged my first ever first blog post. I think I'm doing a little better now than I was then.

This last year or so has been pretty rough on me. I got married, which is mostly really cool, but also full of adjustments. I had a miscarriage, promptly gained 30 pounds due to emotional lack-of-eating-enough. Went back to the local community college to finish a two-year degree after four years in college working on two different four-year degrees. My mother-in-law, who was truly my Mom, suddenly had a grand-mal seizure out of nowhere. Within a month she was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. Within a couple months she could no longer take care of herself, and I had no idea how involved I should get in taking care of her. For the second half of her illness she could not speak at all because of where the cancer was. And then she died. Then things really started getting weird. People are making strange choices about how they want to spend their time. Other people are trying to rush us through our grief and force us to recover in their idea of the "right way."

I don't like who am right now. That's why most of you haven't heard from me. I am reluctant to inflict myself on others when I know I'll just end up complaining a lot. I don't want to be a complainer. You know you can complain about anything when you complain about being a complainer.

Recently I decided that it's ok if I don't like who I am right know, I just have to BE who I am right now. But being who I am right now, this minute, doesn't mean I have to stay here. I think that I can only change who I am right now, by being who I am right now, and taking one step forward. (This may make more sense in my head than in print.) So this is my step for today. This is my small way of reaching out and hoping someone reaches back. A way of inflicting myself on you that I can edit. And you can choose not to read or respond to it.

Insomnia Chronicles

I feel like I went to bed at a decent hour and got a good 6-7 hours of sleep last night. But in the middle of my morning routine, I fell to sleep again and woke up about 1:30pm. So that's always a weird day.

And then it turns out that there is dollar bowling on Thursdays. So we met up with some friends and had a bit of fun.

Now I'm blogging from the lake again. I can hear the water rushing through the tubes. Plus lots of bugs. I went for a walk though, so maybe I'll be able to get to sleep at a decent time.

Same area on a different day, during daylight:

Crafty

Well. I won't be winning any photography awards anytime soon. Maybe another time I'll post a picture that shows the colors more accurately.

So this pattern I'm working on is called the Miarly CAL. CAL stands for crochet along, it's a whole thing where the pattern is released in parts and all the people working on it will usually post their progress somewhere on the internet. So part one was released today. One of the fun parts of a CAL is deciding what colors you want to use. The designer used a couple of different color schemes, she called one Unicorn. So obviously I had to pick that one. It's a different brand of yarn so my options weren't exactly the same and I switched her two pinks and one purple to one pink and two purples.

I'm going to call it my purple unicorn Miarly. Designed by Katheryn Middleton, crocheted by me.

In December, I counted how many unfinished yarn projects I was ending the year with. I think it was 15, not counting the two that were in my backpack when it got stolen. (different story for another day). So far this year I've finished three of those projects and started a whole lot of other ones. Right now I'm semi-actively working on two other projects, so it's the perfect time to take on another one.

I may or may not have a slight problem.

Fighting Perfectionism

So I have this problem. It's called perfectionism. It's probably one of the barriers that has prevented me from keeping up with blogs in the past. Yesterday there were some things in my Facebook history that I wanted to record here but I didn't want to do two days in a row of that kind of thing. Instead, I ignored it. In previous blogs, I think this would easily keep me from posting something for any number of weeks. But look at me now, posting on my blog, the next day. Winning!

I've really been feeling pretty productive lately. I've been getting all kinds of little projects caught up. Today I took Taryn to a well-child appointment, which is because I managed to be productive like a month ago and make an appointment for her. But it led to all this making appointments for the eye doctor and finding out what the procedure is for getting her someone to talk to about her mental health. She needs some skills that I can't teach her. Point being, I went to three different places and talked to people and got stuff done. That's kind of a big day.

One of the little projects I finished yesterday was a little crochet cat for a friend whose 6th birthday is today. I'm going to close this off with a finished project photo.

Blogging Life

One of the reasons I wanted to start blogging again is that I've saved funny little tidbits about my kids and my life in various places and I wanted to put them all in one place. The weird and funny things kids do when they're little are like these little bits of magic. When I read other people's blogs and Facebook feeds and things, I can fall in love with children I've never met (not in a weird way). So I have this idea that if I could go to one place and gather up those little bits of magic about my own kids, it might give me enough warm fuzzy feeling to make it through their teen years. LOL

So, here we go. On this day in 2008, I made some notes about Taryn on my blog. She was two years old at the time.

After church Sunday we were invited out to lunch with two older couples. Both the guys are retired military. I know one of them was Navy, maybe they both were. They took us to Red Lobster, where Taryn took many trips to the front of the store to see the "monsters." She was both fascinated and frightened by them. I think both phones got left in the car when we got home from lunch. I can't find them anywhere and that's the last place I remember seeing them.

Taryn's song of the weekend was the alphabet song: A B C D E G H I lala LMNOP two R S Y Z now I know ABCs next time sing me WXYZ now I know ABCs next time lala sing me

In May of 2011, the girls started a hair cutting binge. The first time, they just cut a chunk out of Caelie's hair that was easily hidden by wearing a hair bow. I hid all the scissors I could find, but that didn't slow them down.

By Caelie's birthday at the end of June, they had hacked away a huge bit in the middle of the back that resulted in a bobbed look, and then just some random cutting that made some weird hack job as pictured. I was going to let her just live with it until it grew out.

Then in August they went at it again and cut so much in such random places and all the way to the scalp...I can't even explain it, it was worse than the above and I told them we were going to have to shave it down and start over. This was when I learned how involved Taryn had been because she had a complete meltdown, she told me "you can't do that! Caelie is a GIRL!" I explained that a haircut wouldn't change that, and I was really taken aback because I didn't think I had reinforced traditional gender roles that hard.

Anyway. The reason I'm sharing this story today is that this is the day in 2011, that I shared on Facebook: This morning Caelie ran into the bathroom to look in the mirror and she said, "I still have boy hair, but I have dirlo blue eyes!" (dirlo is the closest approximation to the way she says "girl".

Here Lies Eliza Ariana.

So today we held a small funeral for Taryn's late rat. Eliza loved to lay in her hammock and she didn't play very much, but when she played, she seemed very happy. In the short time that Eliza was with us, Taryn did her very best to take good care of both her rats.

We're very grateful to our friends for indulging our whimsy and especially Jenny and family for providing a lovely burial plot at their new property.

Goals

So one of my goals is to write something every day. I've spent all day trying to think of something to write and never got any ideas. Now I'm sitting out at the lake where I had hoped to be able to knit by the moonlight....instead it's overcast. And I still don't have any compelling ideas on what to write.

I've been working hard on a couple of crochet blankets for going away presents for a young couple that have been very kind to my kids. That project has contributed to being very "behind" on my 2019 temperature project. That's where I knit the weather every day. The last couple of days I've gotten caught up on June and July.



I was on a roll and got into August before the invitation to sit at the lake and enjoy some nature.

Ah well. Tomorrow is a good day to knit too.

Sleepless in Manhattan

This is life with insomnia. After a couple nights in a row of fairly decent sleep at appropriate sleep times, last night was the more typical kind. I spent a lot of the day in a creek, which is the best, but somehow that resulted in crashing about 8:30pm. Going to bed early *sounds* like a good idea, but it really only results in waking up at bedtime. I woke up sometime in the 11:30-midnight range and my whole family was in an uproar.

I'm sound sensitive and when I wake up, I have to readjust to the world and normal noises are painful. I have not yet convinced anyone to respect my need for quieter sounds during this adjustment period.

While I was sleeping, the girls had fallen in love with a lost cat outside. There is a colony of feral cats on the property, but this little guy is not one of them. He's too social. So I guess they were waiting for me to wake up and make the executive decision to bring him inside for the night and take him to the shelter when it opens today.

We got Lost Boy set up in the bathroom with a bed, food, water and a litter box. He was yowling at us while Milo and Oliver yowled back. I was sitting downstairs trying to figure out how we're all going to survive the night when Taryn calls out that her sick rat had finally died. Taryn has only been a rat mom since late April and I'm pretty sure the one already had the tumor when we got her. She wasn't as social as the other rat and so we weren't able to observe it until the tumor was too big to treat.

So then we were problem solving all these things at once. We got Taryn and the rats settled for the night. Then we got Milo and Oliver set up in the "office", the fourth bedroom where we keep our computers and all the cat necessities. It took a while for all the cats to stop yowling, but it took even longer for me to be able to get back to sleep.

I slept from about 6:30am-10:30am. So really, in terms of a good night's sleep, I got almost the right amount, in two shifts which is apparently how humans lived before the invention of electricity. But the chances of getting to bed at a reasonable hour tonight are severely compromised.

Well, it's time to get Lost Boy off to the shelter. It's kind of a shame, he's really a very sweet boy. Our lease only allows so many pets though and we're maxed out.

Friendaversary

In my adult life, I've had several lonely seasons. Twice now those seasons have ended when I spent time intentionally and purposefully praying for a new friend to come along.

Four years ago today, the answer to that prayer was Jenny.

Jenny is a kind and generous friend who instigates many of our best adventures.

Because of Jenny, my kids have experienced nature in ways I never would have thought of on my own.

They've touched bugs and frogs and snakes, built forts and changed the courses of creeks.

As I grow this blog, I'm sure I'll post many of our new adventures and relive the old ones, but today I just want to say thanks for being my friend, Jenny!

Happy friendaversary!

On This Day...

On this day in 2008, I started my second blog which was about our life in the Air Force, some of that post is kind of funny, so here's a blast from my past:

Being surrounded by the near constant sounds of traffic, I am daily reminded that my life is not anywhere near being in the fast lane. Everyone keeps asking me for updates and there really isn't anything to tell. But yet I seem to be busy all day long. No one wants to know how many diapers I change each day or how long it takes to get all three of us girls dressed for the day. Nobody cares how many loads of clean laundry are waiting in the hallway for me to fold and put away. I could keep going but I think you get the picture and I don't want to sound like a big whiner, because honestly I'm happy with my slow paced life. The point is just that it doesn't leave a lot to talk about.

Taryn is hilarious, but most of the time her antics cannot be adequately conveyed in print or even in verbal conversation. She is getting pretty good at singing her favorite songs. She mostly has the tunes down but the lyrics evade her. Usually she'll fill in jibberish between words she knows. For example: "Tweetle, tweetle, (jibberish) STAR! How I (jibberish) you are. (jibberish jibberish) so high. (jibberish jibberish) in SKY" It's adorable and hilarious, but more so if you could hear it. When Caelie gets upset, Taryn sings to her. Caelie hasn't responded to the singing, but when she's calm she has started to react to Taryn by smiling and cooing. That is, if Taryn is actually a respectful distance away and not trying to hug or kiss her.

Today I had to get up at Insane AM and take Tim to work so I could have the car. The good news is Burger King also opens at Insane AM, and I do love me some fast food breakfast but am rarely out and about during breakfast hours. Tim isn't actually at regular work this week or next week. He has FTAC. I'm not sure what that stands for but what it means is: sit around and listen to briefings about stuff that is either common sense or he already knows anyway. It's supposed to help airmen transition from tech school to regular duty. So the reason I needed the car was that they finally decided we could have the rest of our stuff that didn't fit on the first moving truck, and all trucks like that have to be searched at the gate and escorted by someone.

They were supposed to arrive between 9:00am and 9:30am. About 10:30 I had heard nothing from them. Then Tim called to say he was on lunch break early because someone who was supposed to give a briefing didn't show up or couldn't make it or something. So we decided I should pick him up for lunch and then drop him off whenever the movers called even if it wasn't time for him to go back. You never know how long you'll be waiting at the gate. Well you know how when you put your life on hold to wait on something, as soon as you stop holding, the something happens? I got Tim and we pull in the driveway and get the kids out of the car and walk through the front door and the phone rings. Since Tim had two hours until he had to be back we took the risk and he went with me to the gate to escort the truck. I think we waited like 20 minutes, so it worked out.

So now we officially have all of our stuff. Except the leaf to our dining room table and the legs to the desk in the office. But those got left in the house so Papa is going to hold on to the leaf for now and mail the legs hopefully. So far it looks like we only lost a couple empty rubbermaid containers. But we gained a fairly nice pair of sawhorses, a really old beat up folding camp table and one of those doobises that you put at the foot of your bed and hang a fancy quilt over. It seems wrong to keep or donate that stuff, but what else are we supposed to do with it?

Somewhere out there, someone's quilt is lying in a heap on the floor.

Trying Again

Well. Here it is. My fourth attempt to have a blog. It's a weird thing, blogging. I don't have any particular desire to  go viral or really to get very much attention. I just have this desire to write things down and send it out into the world of the internet. Maybe get a little feedback from a handful of people that I actually know in real life. That sort of thing.

In past attempts, I failed, at least partly, because I got bogged down with perfectionism. One day I'll think of fifteen things to blog about and the next three I won't be able to think of anything. Then I'll miss deadlines I imposed on myself. I'm simultaneously too much and not enough. I've let down my imaginary audience and then I quit.

Maybe this time will be different.